Interesting tactic from Ali Love’s PR folk here - sending out an email as if it’s actually FROM Ali Love. There was me thinking a nascent pop star was getting in touch to say hi, but nah, it’s just another email full of remixes.
Still, it got me to open the message and now I’m giving their “client” “coverage”, so job done really.
The email contained his new video “Diminishing Returns”, which you can see below. It’s all a bit dull (unlike the song, which is rather good) until Ali decides to don some chainmail. An underused accoutrement in music videos, the old chainmail.
Having said that, I am telling you now: if I see someone wearing chainmail in an east London bar, I’m emigrating.
“Something else” is currently illustrated in the lyrics to his latest smash hit, “Sexy Bitch” - a collabaration with Fronch deeshay David Guetta:
She’s nothing like a girl you’ve ever seen before
Nothing you can compare to your neighbourhood whore
I’m trying to find the words to describe this girl
Without being disrespectful…
Now, placing the girl in question above the local prostitute goes someway to showing how disrespectful Akon isn’t, but he’s clearly in a considerable tizzy over this matter. Just how can he describe this girl without being disrespectful? Let’s see if he manages it by skipping to the chorus:
Damn, you’s a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch
Damn, you’s a sexy bitch, damn, girl
Damn, you’s a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch
Damn, you’s a sexy bitch, damn, girl
Hmm. It’s a valiant effort, but some might think that referring to a lady as a bitch - albeit a sexy one - is, like, the least respectful way to describe her. I’m just putting that out there.
What’s interesting, though, is that if you take these lyrics from the mouth of Akon and place them in the mouth of an animated Australian tennis player, they somehow take on a certain charm. Watch:
So, if the lyrics sound OK coming from Graham up there, does that mean Akon succeeded in his attempt to not be disrespecful?
It’s a real conundrum, and one far too complicated for my male thoughtsicles to process. So I decided to ask some of The Womens. I emailed some real-life females and asked them for their opinion on Akon’s attempt to not be disrespectful, alongside a mark out of ten for “Not Being Disrespectful-ness”.
God knows what this number was about. “A juicy red apple is nice, but not every apple is red,” preached a pointdexter-y chap repeatedly over a breakbeat.
The piano breakdown still sounds great today though, with the vocal line “my juice is sweeter” at least providing some kind of dirtily tangible lyrical content.
Er, because that’s what you were after from rave music in 1992, wasn’t it?
Posted by
Stuart Waterman on
Tuesday October 6th, 2009 at
8:30 am
It’s a new month! This one’s called October. And with this Octoberishly-named month comes a bunch of new Levi’s Ones To Watch residencies, where you can go and see numerous acts of an up-and-coming nature in various Londontown hostelries.
The October batch of shows includes future stars/cabbies such as Citadels, Exlovers, Kurran And The Wolfnotes, Young Rebel Set, Turboweekend and presumed GCSE French flunkers, Ou Est Le Swimming Pool.
Also on board are Mirrors, whose “Look At Me” is playing in a YouTube embedded video near you. Like, really near you. Like, here:
Mirrors play Camden Barfly on October 15th alongside Young Rebel Set and Turboweekend. The first show is this Thursday 8th at The Macbeth and has Citadels, Dansette Junior and language remedials Ou Est Le Swimming Pool.
You can find anything out on the internet these days. Anything. And when one is investigating an act one is unfamilar with it’s good practice to check out Wikipedia, wait 11 minutes for the artist’s MySpace page to load, and so on.
For once, with Bertie Blackman, I’m not going to do that. I’m going to wait and see if the information comes to me. I’ll pretend this is a fun “experiment” rather than a symptom of my laziness. Do you know anything about Bertie Blackman? Leave information in the comments.
All I know, thanks to YouTube’s geographical info, is that she’s considerably more popular in one country than any other:
Her - yes HER, OMG WEIRD, RIGHT? - song “Thump” is an urgent, immediate, quiet-loud, um, thump in the synapses. I loves it, I do.
There are a couple of remixes here, too. Not as good as the original though, which seems a novel happening these days.
Bertie Blackman - Thump (Duosseudo Mix)
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Bertie Blackman “Thump” (Wild Turkeys Remix)
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Posted by
Stuart Waterman on
Saturday October 3rd, 2009 at
3:00 pm
Amerie’s new one “Heard ‘Em All” is a frantic, tribal-beats-y kind of thing, with lots of great “uh-huh”s and “hey hey”s. I liked it after two listens, which makes it about an 8/10 on the immediacy scale. Clearly “One Thing” was an 11, but let’s give the poor girl a break because very few people ever produce a song that perfect and then have the misfortune to find themselves judged against it forever.
The video has a built-in guarantee of quality in that Amerie appears in it, but some people might deem it a bit of a “Disturbia” rip-off. Which isn’t that surprising since it’s by the same director, who clearly has Se7en, Fight Club and Mad Max on rotate on his DVD player.
Whatever, Universal Music don’t want too many people to see it - or any other visual representation of their artists’ work - because they are wrongheaded killjoy cunts who disable embedding on so many of the fucking videos they upload to YouTube.
So instead, here’s a version of the tune with a phoned-in Lil Wayne verse tacked onto the beginning so that men are allowed to listen to the song without feeling like a sissy.
Bobby Brown appeared on VH1’s Behind The Music last week. If you’re looking for a detailed breakdown of his and Whitney’s daily drug intake you’ll be disappointed, but it does have its highlights.
I think mine is when Bobby says that at the peak of his fame he would find himself on a tour bus, see someone driving a car he liked the look of, follow said vehicle, then purchase it from the driver on the spot with cash. And then discard the car when he had to leave town for the next leg of the tour.
Bobby Brown apparently left cars everywhere, so if you picked up a mysteriously abandoned Porsche around 1989, and there was a crack pipe in the glove compartment, that’s why it was just left outside that strip club.
Watch the full Behind The Music here - but before you go let’s remember this classic clip from Bobby’s appearance on ITV’s 24 Hours With Bobby Brown a couple of years back. Let this be a reminder, should you need one, not to pinch Bobby Brown’s bottom if you’re a bloke.
Posted by
Stuart Waterman on
Monday September 28th, 2009 at
8:30 am
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