Caught this on one of the music channels the other day:

The mind goes all a-boggle when it considers how many middle-aged INXS fans’ mouths are currently frothing into Michael Hutchence cushion covers.

The thing is, as a chartbound reappropriation of one of INXS’s finest moments, it’s not actually that bad. It’s not going to appeal to anyone who owns a Kick t-shirt, obvs, but it recognises that there’s no point trying to reinterpret or reproduce that riff - you might as well just nick it wholesale. Because it is one of the bestest riffs of the last 25 years, and anyone who scoffs and goes off on a rant about how shit INXS were (are?) is a toolbag.

The song, as well, is a brilliant, sleazy, urgent, priapic kind of thing; and to me, somehow, despite lyrics that allude to the contrary, it manages not to stray into the turf marked “predatory”. I think the main reason for this is that in Michael Hutchence INXS had a frontman who, for all his pleads about needing “you”, and about being thrown into a perspirational tizzy by “you, girl”, would clearly have much rather spent a night boning himself, were it physically possible.

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Posted by admin on Monday March 15th, 2010 at 8:30 am

I love music biopics, me. And while I enjoy the good ones, I extract virtually an equal amount of pleasure from the bad.

One of my favourite bad ones is Hysteria, a 2001 VH1-produced TV film about Def Leppard. The Lepp have had a “colourful” history, and like many riffmongers from the last thirty years or so you can totally understand why people would want to turn their tale into a movie.

It would probably be a shame if Hysteria remained the only biopic of Def Leppard, but for British music fans it is quite giddy fun. It provides an amusing number of conspicuous location-related mistakes, and while one is willing to suspend one’s disbelief to an extent when entering movieland it’s pretty hard to do so when virtually the first shot is thoroughly goof-laden.

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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Thursday March 11th, 2010 at 8:30 am

This is Ruth Flowers, a 69 year-old DJ. What she actually does DJ-wise - apart from wear sparkly headphones and wave her hands about - is unclear from this video…

… BUT THAT’S THE CASE WITH ALL DJS ISN’T IT, WHO’S WITH ME?

I was hoping she might deliver an “it’s all just noise anyway” kiss-off at the end, but apparently DJ Ruth means it, man.

[via Mashable]

Posted by Stuart Waterman on Sunday March 7th, 2010 at 5:34 pm

When one receives a fair few emails from folk hawking their musical acts, it sometimes takes something a little extry to get one to open, um, one. The name “Spank Pops” is an example of such extryness. It draws to mind, simultanishly, such possibilliums as:

1. Some of that popping candy you used to put on your tongue and which would supposedly blow your cerebellum out of your eye-holes if you mixed it with Safeways cola, no really, this kid at my cousin’s school died from it

1.1 A slightly disturbing endeavour involving force, a cricket bat and an old man’s bum-bum

Anywonk, it’s a great name and Spank Pops has immediately become my favourite rapper. Or he would be, if I knew which of the three gentlemen in the video he is. Oh sure, I could go back and listen to the lyrics properly because he’s just bound to refer to himself by name, like they all do. But he might be the ugly one, and I want him to be the coolest one. Spank Pops has to be the coolest one.

Spank and his bubs appear to be hipping and hopping about how great San Francisco is, which is a topic not often encountered in The Rap Game (by me, anyway). I can picture lots of Silicon Valley “tech” “entrepreneurs” who have just “received seeding” (ick) empathising with Jern, Spank and J’s sentiments, only they would probably do so while wearing chinos and holding iPhones to their ears.

(If this “parody” video already exists, please do not share it avec moi.)

BLOODY ANYWAY. I like this song a lot, because it’s the kind of thing that gets one’s head nodding in a slightly self-conscious manner, which is my favourite way to feel old about music. Lully hook, too.

Buy “Cali” at iTunes

Posted by Stuart Waterman on Thursday February 11th, 2010 at 8:45 am

I got to two minutes four seconds in before the tears began to sting too much, which I think is pretty good. You?

[via Best Week Ever]

Posted by Stuart Waterman on Tuesday February 9th, 2010 at 9:00 am

Have some Die Antwoord.

[via Boing Boing]

Posted by Stuart Waterman on Monday February 8th, 2010 at 9:00 am

I hope that if I ever have a children, and a rather up-and-down movie career, I’ll do a better job than John Travolta when the inevitable father/daughter movie tie-in cover of Bobby Brown comes a-knocking.

I’ll never better the centre-parted plugs or wacky madcap antics that clearly take place in Old Dogs, though. At the time of writing the movie is sitting pretty atop a 6% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, so at least the amount of damage this ickyvid can do is pretty limited.

“Ella Bleu” sounds a bit like “Hella Bleurgh”, doesn’t it? :(

[via Videogum]

Posted by Stuart Waterman on Thursday January 14th, 2010 at 9:00 am

A doctor’s surgery. Twista enters the room.

Doctor: Ah, Twista. Hello, how have you been?

Twista: Gottapaininmypeepee pleasehelpmeGP

Doctor: Hmm, this again. Did you take my advice, and start using protection?

Twista: Playadon’tputrubberonhisdick DoctorMick

Doctor: Well, you know, you’re kind of asking for it in that case. What’s your objection to condoms, anyway?

Twista: LovetogetblazedwhileI’mgettinglaid

Doctor: I see. And you become too lethargic to reach over into your condom drawer, right?

Twista: Gottachick ridingmydick toomuchhasslestickingrubberonmywick eventhoughIcoulddoitrealquick

Doctor: Perhaps you should try having sex without smoking marijuana?

Twista: Nofuckwithoutfire thatscenario’sdire
Givesmethesexualdesire towhichIaspire
JustwishIcouldgethigher withoutstartingtotire

Doctor: I mean, I can give you that stuff I gave you last time, but you really need to-

Twista: NowI’mstartintoperspire
CosI’mpissin’barbedwire

Doctor: Yes, I know the symptoms.

Twista: Urination apainfulsensation

Doctor: OK, here’s a prescription. But you can’t smoke marijuana while you’re taking it.

Twista: NoMaryJaneyouinsane
That’sapain tooprofane
Guessmy mainvein gonnacontinuetostrain
MaybeI’lljustapplyalittlecocaine
TheraininSpain fallsmainlyontheplain

Doctor: LOL! Oh Twista.

Twista: Ooh, also - I need to inform you of my change of address.

Doctor: You can do that at reception.

Twista: Okey dokey. Bye!

Doctor: Bye Twista!

[FIN]

Buy Twista MP3s at 7Digital

Posted by Stuart Waterman on Wednesday January 13th, 2010 at 9:00 am

Braggage is an accepted part of the rap “game”, but it tends to be much more compelling when it’s done with a subtle sense of humour. Tinie Tempah seems to recognise this, as he shows in his soon-to-be-sizable-if-it-isn’t-already-I-dunno-I-don’t-keep-track-of-the-charts-these-days tune, “Pass Out”.

“I got so many clothes I keep some at my aunt’s house” is probably my favourite bit, but there’s a pleasing rags-to-riches feel to “now I drive past the bus I used to run for”, as well.

Love the track too, although in my ‘umble I think the hook/chorus/whatever - sung by a chap in a fetching checked jacket - interrupts the songs’s momentum a bit. The drum n’ bass outro suggests there should be some decent remixes out there as well…

Read Tinie Tempah’s blog

Buy Tinie Tempah MP3s at 7Digital

Posted by Stuart Waterman on Tuesday January 12th, 2010 at 8:23 am

Mariah Carey has covered Foreigner’s classic (IT IS AN EFFING CLASSIC) “I Want To Know What Love Is”. If you are not familiar with the original, just watch VH1 Classic for half an hour. Any half-hour. It’ll come up.

In the audience of the video for Mariah’s new number you are presented with a range of demographics with which to identify.

Which one are you?

1. Eminem, aged 7 (possible subtext: before he became “Obsessed” with Mariah)

2. Easily-inspired, independent (i.e. divorced) divorcée with “strong support network”

3. Gay man testing society’s tolerance to the limit
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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Monday November 30th, 2009 at 11:31 pm