That little snapshot up there is from Snoop Dogg’s new video, “Gangster Love” “Gangsta Luv”. It’s an odd moment - amongst all the usual lady-based booty-quaking and gyrationalisms, there’s Snoop in the back seat of his whip having noodles chopsticked into his mouth by an Asian “lovely”.

I suppose after a few years in the game you probably run out of ways to humourously objectify women, so it’s heartening to see Snoop and his video director switching things up a bit.

Kudos also for the moment when, while zipping along in a speedboat with another buttock-flaunting entourage, Snoop smacks two ladies on their badonkadonks - and knocks them overboard. Nary a raised eyebrow from Mr. Dogg, of course, despite said ladies’ almost certainly not living to shake their bumcakes again.

Snoop Dogg - Gangsta Luv on MUZU.

Posted by Stuart Waterman on Monday November 2nd, 2009 at 8:30 am

Poor old Akon, he’s always got summat on his mind. If it’s not accidentally dry-humping a child, physically throwing a teenager off a stage, or lying about his bad-assedness and his age, it’s something else.

“Something else” is currently illustrated in the lyrics to his latest smash hit, “Sexy Bitch” - a collabaration with Fronch deeshay David Guetta:

She’s nothing like a girl you’ve ever seen before
Nothing you can compare to your neighbourhood whore
I’m trying to find the words to describe this girl
Without being disrespectful…

Now, placing the girl in question above the local prostitute goes someway to showing how disrespectful Akon isn’t, but he’s clearly in a considerable tizzy over this matter. Just how can he describe this girl without being disrespectful? Let’s see if he manages it by skipping to the chorus:

Damn, you’s a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch
Damn, you’s a sexy bitch, damn, girl
Damn, you’s a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch
Damn, you’s a sexy bitch, damn, girl

Hmm. It’s a valiant effort, but some might think that referring to a lady as a bitch - albeit a sexy one - is, like, the least respectful way to describe her. I’m just putting that out there.

What’s interesting, though, is that if you take these lyrics from the mouth of Akon and place them in the mouth of an animated Australian tennis player, they somehow take on a certain charm. Watch:

So, if the lyrics sound OK coming from Graham up there, does that mean Akon succeeded in his attempt to not be disrespecful?

It’s a real conundrum, and one far too complicated for my male thoughtsicles to process. So I decided to ask some of The Womens. I emailed some real-life females and asked them for their opinion on Akon’s attempt to not be disrespectful, alongside a mark out of ten for “Not Being Disrespectful-ness”.

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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Thursday October 8th, 2009 at 8:30 am

I can’t be ignored like a hangOVER
Coz everybeat I sound nang OVER
Half of them I don’t mad OVER
This bass will knock your gran OVER

The lesson here is, if you’ve got Granny coming over for Christmas dinner make sure you didn’t also invite JME. Things could get awkward.

Buy JME “Over Me” MP3 at Play.com

[via Fullygrown Grime]

Posted by Stuart Waterman on Wednesday September 30th, 2009 at 8:30 am

This is Skepta’s “Disguise”. It nicks the Transformers theme and is all about how some men dress up as ladies and attempt to trick other men into going home with them. This has never once happened to me, so I’m not sure where Skepta and his pals hang out.

There’s a line in there about having “no qualms with [transvestites'] sexuality”, which, while it might confuse pre-op transsexuals with transvestites, is at least a bit more enlightened than you might expect from an urban “joint”. It’s clearly there so you can chuckle along without feeling like a big old bigot-head, which is thoughtful of those involved.

It’s from his album Microphone Champion, tracks from which you can purchase at 7digital.

[via No, YOU Can Have A Coke - that's Shystie's blog, that is]

Posted by Stuart Waterman on Wednesday June 24th, 2009 at 9:00 am

There’s not much funnier than a naughty rapper who isn’t even famous enough to get away with being naughty. Maddest of props, then, to David Thomas Thornton, who took a 15-man entourage to a South Florida university talent show and managed to get himself charged with:

- aggravated assault
- possession of a firearm on school property
- grand theft of a firearm
- carrying a concealed weapon
- improper display of a firearm

It turns out that if you’re an aspiring rapper it’s really not OK to carry a loaded .357 Magnum around with you, and even more not OK to start waving it at people after they’ve booed you offstage for being so shit.

Full story at tampabay.com.

[via Fark] / [image: Michael@Privacy of the Mind on Flickr]

Posted by Stuart Waterman on Sunday April 5th, 2009 at 9:00 am

“Who he is is exactly who he is,” says ex-Bad Boy rapper Mark Curry (no, not that Mark Curry) of his ex-boss Diddy. If that statement is your kind of truth, you can expect a lot more of it in his new book, the subtly-titled Dancing With The Devil.
Curry appeared on Diddy’s 2001 hit “Bad Boy For Life”, which I’m not ashamed to say I bloody love. “We-ain’t… going-nowhere… we-can’t-be-stopped-now, cuz it’s Bad Boy for life.” You know, I’m going to fire that song up right now.
So anyway, Mark Curry has a fair bit to say about his time as Diddy’s employee. Remember how Diddy used to appear in just about every video anyone on his label ever put out? Curry reckons Diddy charged for those appearances.

Continue reading »

Posted by Stuart Waterman on Monday February 9th, 2009 at 11:05 am

This rejig of Jay-Z’s “Big Pimpin’” comes from Funny Or Die but had me wanting to replace the “Die” with “Icky”. Although, admittedly, if you don’t “awww” at lyrics like the bit where she goes “sleep in bed with one eye open as long as I am snug”, then you’re dead inside.
However, I think you’re legitimately allowed to feel a leetle uneasy at the fact wee Madeline doesn’t look like she’s having all that much fun. Er, and I hate to bring up Minipops, but that bit where she goes “cute behindy”…?

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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Monday February 2nd, 2009 at 11:40 am

By now I’m sure you’ve seen Joaquin Phoenix’s first tramptastic public performance as a rapper, complete with pratfall, after supposedly quitting acting. (And if not, why not? See it over the page.)
Unsurprisingly, many people are finding the notion that this Hollywood star would pack it all in to work with Diddy, even if it is as part of a video project with his brother-in-law Casey Affleck, rather hard to believe. And overnight, the RSS update you see to your left popped up in my reader.
“Hmm,” I thought. “Hmm.” Then I stopped “hmm-ing” and clicked the thing, only to be taken to a page that no longer exists. Was the hoax outed? And then inned? Are NME in on the whole thing? Has this “friend” been bumped off?

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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Thursday January 29th, 2009 at 10:25 am

Coolio is currently residing in the UK’s Celebrity Big Brother house, where he is proving to be quite an accomplished shit-stirrer. But that’s not all he’s able to stir, oh no! Soz.
Last year he hosted his own online cookery show, Cookin’ With Coolio. Now, over Christmas I watched a bit of Rick Stein cooking some king prawns on a barbecue, and I have to say that five minutes of Coolio barbecuing prawns (or shrimp, as they say over there), while possibly not as culinarily informative, is a lot more entertaining.

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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Wednesday January 7th, 2009 at 10:25 am

Following in the footsteps of Diddy, who entertained us last year with Blair Witch spoofs aimed at Sarah Palin, Lil Wayne has hopped on the vlogging bandwagon of late.
Well, I say of late - he started back in June 2008. But since the number of updates he’s managed hasn’t yet topped half a dozen, you don’t have to worry about having missed too much from (here’s that title again) the self-proclaimed greatest rapper alive.
And although it’s nice that Mr Weezy is taking a little time out to address the fans, the content of his dispatches isn’t especially compelling.

Continue reading »

Posted by Stuart Waterman on Tuesday January 6th, 2009 at 12:25 pm