You thought I was going to ignore Glastonbury festival, didn’t you? Can’t really blame you for thinking that way really, since it began nearly a week ago and ended a few days back with nary a mention round these parts.

Ah, but you didn’t know I had another every expense spared “solution” up my sleeve. That’s right, in another demonstration of the 21st 20th century’s remarkable technological advances, I arranged for a dedicated festivalgoer to provide reglear text message updates from Glastonbury.

It sounds outlandish, but it is actually possible nowadays. All you need are a mobile telephone and a thumb, really. What will they think of next?

So, following the similarly comprehensive recent review of Download festival spotted at this domain, let’s see how Nick Fleetwood got on at Glasto this weekend.

For beginnings, regardez the giddy optimism of the British festival fan, pre-event:

Music might not start for a day and a half but i’m in a car to glasto. We’re eager and ready! It feels like evergreen forest before burt raccoon wakes up…

Bless! Sadly it took but one more text to wipe out such bushy-tailed… ness?
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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Wednesday July 1st, 2009 at 10:28 pm

Did you watch the live feed of the Download Festival at the weekend? I watched the odd bit, but to be honest I didn’t really need to because I had arranged something far better.

Using cutting-edge 21st century technology, my friend Clive agreed to contact me regularly with text messages LIVE from the scene! Why watch the event from the comfort of your own home when you can have someone in a field, getting progressively more drunk, sending you pithy live updates?

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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Monday June 15th, 2009 at 9:00 am

Scott Croly went to the second of Oasis’s Heaton Park gigs - the one where the power didn’t cut out. Could it wipe out the disappointment of the first night?

Only two nights earlier, Oasis had committed the cardinal sin: fucking up royally on home turf. OK, so the blame actually lay with the event’s organisers and their dodgy knock-off Cash Converters generator - but Manchester’s normally forgiving crowd had booed for 45 minutes, only eventually appeased by the promise of a refund.

And so, seemingly with a point to prove, The World’s Greatest Rock & Roll Band™ took to Heaton Park’s unnecessarily grand stage for the second leg of their three-night hometown-showdown with little fanfare.

Forgoing the usual pre-match build up, they threw themselves into “Rock & Roll Star”, giving every coke-addled thirtysomething Manc in attendance his first proper hard-on since… well, Oasis’s last Manchester gig.

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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Thursday June 11th, 2009 at 8:30 am

Alex Pullin went and saw Lallen perform the other week, and this is what she saw, heard and thunk:

Lily Allen recently held a London Underground-themed MySpace Secret Show in “fashionable” Notting Hill. The evening was free to a limited number of her MySpace friends, with the venue was only announced on the day.

Fans, press, Chemical Brother ex-boyfriend Ed Simmons and hipster jester Nick Grimshaw donned outfits that represented tube stops in order to gain entry and see Lily perform hits from It’s Not Me, It’s You and first album Alright Still.
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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Wednesday June 3rd, 2009 at 9:00 am

Kate Solomon, she write:

It seems you kids with your leopard print shoes, your checked shirts and your love for all things ‘80s are pretty fond of the little blonde kiwi with the big ideas (excuse me while I copyright that idea for a children’s book), and were out in force for the Ladyhawke musical extravaganza at KOKO last week.

The current darling of the Radio One brigade, Ladyhawke’s accessible brand of nostalgic musical references has won hearts all across the land. And as with any flavour of the month, she’s a tough act to open for - luckily, young Tommy Sparks was up to the job.

Bounding onto the stage in full Pikachu costume, he sprinkled the crowd with his glittery electro-pop and set the scene nicely for the main act.

Oddly, however, his most infectiously energetic number, current single “She’s Got Me Dancing“, was shoved unceremoniously into the middle of the set, leaving a couple of rather muddier tunes to close on.

Now, I love Ladyhawke. So I really, really want to give her a glowing review, to say it was the perfect set, the perfect performance, the perfect blend of songs. But the problem is that, apart from a few stand-out songs, Ladyhawke’s slurry, synth-filled sound tends to drift into background music.

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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Tuesday May 26th, 2009 at 2:40 pm

The latest Levi’s Ones To Watch show at east London’s hang-out du jour The Macbeth promised to be a bouncy, booty-shaking affair but fell somewhere short to these jaded earholes.

Newport’s The Binary Kids (left) were watched from the bar by similarly be-hatted chum Lady Sovereign, but their shriek-rap and pre-programmed beats just sounded like vaguely danceable teenage tantrums. BUT WHAT DO I KNOW - Basement Jaxx like them and are putting them on their new album, so unless they’re blood relatives the Jaxx must hear something in them.
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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Monday April 27th, 2009 at 5:37 pm

The other night I went to see a lady called Nell Bryden (left, click image to enlarge) sing some songs. I went with my big old cynical head on, not least due to the relentless PR blitz surrounding her, which has recently tended to focus on:
1. The fact that she has funded her music career after finding a Milton Avery painting in her attic. It was worth considerably more than some mildewed christmas tree decorations, let’s put it that way.
2. The fact that she was recently selected to go out and “entertain the troops” in Iraq.
Now those two facts, while interesting, created in my mind the vision of Nell as a good ol’ heart-clutching simperer, and therefore not my cup of beverage at all.
All of which was efficiently blown away on seeing her perform.

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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Friday November 14th, 2008 at 11:26 am

I went to the latest Levi’s Ones To Watch show the other night. While London’s Trendy Old Blue Last™ is more used to hosting be-fringed dandies doing jangly things, this particular eve was all about the ROCK with a capital ROCK.
Sub-Soundgarden noobs Muswell and scuzz-rock hot tips To The Bones bookended the night, but I was most impressed with Pulled Apart By Horses (frontman Tom Hudson, left - click image to enlarge).
I mean come on, they have a song called “I Punched A Lion In The Throat”. There are elements of the four-piece that aren’t about violence involving animals, but this beastly imagery does give a decent idea of the racket they make onstage.

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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Wednesday November 12th, 2008 at 11:25 am

The opening act at this Levi’s OnesToWatch show, La Shark, had a lead singer sporting a shirt you might see on a matador or Little Lord Fauntleroy, while elsewhere in the band there was a bassist who looked like one of the Meat Puppets. The two guitarists, meanwhile, are rather dapper tweedy sorts.
The clash of appearances is in keeping with their music - oh yes - with each song seeming to contain a number of “movements”. Sounds a bit like prog, or pooing, dunnit? Fortunately the band also has a liking for the theatrical, and as the set went on fears of pretension were harpooned as they looked like they were having a jolly fun time. That is not a crime, you know.
At the time of writing there’s only one song on La Shark’s MySpace - “Bones”, which was a highlight at this show, with whatshisface Fauntleroy grooving away and the dapper chaps singing so bloody hard ACTUAL SPIT CAME OUT. That’s the stuff.

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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Friday October 10th, 2008 at 11:30 am

Wired Desire are the Scottish Guns N’ Roses, you know, which is a niche I hadn’t previously thought required filling, but, you know, whatevs.
This gig was only a wee showcase in the basement of The Fly, so it was, but bless their unreconstructed little hearts, the Wired Desire chaps gave it their all as if they were headlining the main stage at Download. They even tried to get us stiff “industry” types to clap our hands, which was always going to be a big ask.
The short set showcased tracks from recent EP Barely Illegal, which is still impossible to reference without a chuckle at the appalling title. A couple of new tracks were given an airing towards the end, but for my money their best song remains the pummelling “No One Sleeps”, which was played early on.

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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Wednesday October 1st, 2008 at 12:01 pm