I’ve been working from home the last couple of days. On the downside this means I don’t get to actually talk to anyone all day, and so feel like I’m gradually losing the ability to speak (I was never that great at it in the first place, to be honest).
However the upside is that at lunchtime, rather than weeping into a Pret A Manger money sandwich, I get to recline on the sofa and watch TV. Yesterday I realised this isn’t quite all it’s cracked up to be when, having tired of One Tree Hill, I was reduced to watching Clubland TV. After viewing my first ever N-Dubz video, a song called “Caramelldansen” by an act named Caramell came on.
I swear I nearly spat my scrambled eggs all over the TV screen. They landed just short, but it was still a journey of some six feet or more as they travelled through the air from mouth to carpet.

It turns out “Carmelldansen” has been an internet meme for a fair few years now, which obviously makes me feel hopelessly out of touch. You can read the considerable history of the track and its remixes here , or in keeping with today’s cut and paste (”lazy”) theme, I’ll let the hive mind explain original perpetrators Caramell to you (click to enlarge):

Sounds nice, doesn’t it? Animated characters. “Bubblegum dance”. Hmm. What it doesn’t say on Wikipedia is that listening to Caramell is a bit like suffering an aural Haribo Starmix overdose.
Honestly, if you have kids keep them away from Caramell, or it will be playing ALL DAY, EVERY DAY for the rest of their childhoods. It is that dangerous. Chances are after hearing it once it will be vomiting its way around your brain for the rest of the day, so just imagine the effect it will have on impressionable young minds.
OK, so that’s the music dealt with. Now, the video. Here’s the opening. Nice and shiny, bit X-Factor, bit SingStar:

Now let’s have a look at these animated characters they use.
Here’s lady number one! She looks happy! Her mouth is nice and wide!

Oh, here’s her friend! She’s blonde and has blue eyes. She appears to be dressed like a… sailor? Her mouth is nice and wide!

And here’s Caramell number three. Have you cottoned on to how wide their mouths are yet?

Still, I’m sure once you get the ladies together they’ll all agree not to just stand there like provocatively dressed manga sex dolls. Right?

Oh.
I wonder if they dance in a slightly inappropriate manner, providing mouth-open reverse upskirt goodness?

If that lot doesn’t make you quite literally gag to see the “full package”, you need to get your curiosity glands cleansed.
(Oh, and if you’re hoping I’m going to admit to feeling aroused by this video, thus making you better about it, it’s not going to happen.)

[video: SteveAATW]

Possibly related:

1. Sly & The Family Stone @ North Sea Jazz Festival ‘07

2. John Oates of Hall & Oates has a magical cartoon moustache in development

3. Madonna’s new film Filth And Wisdom: straight to video (or the internet as it’s called now)

4. Lupe Fiasco may/may not have a rock side project as Japanese Cartoon (and an English accent)

5. Camping Gear - Eurohike Family Picnic Pack

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Posted by Stuart Waterman on Friday December 19th, 2008 at 12:45 pm